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Commitment-Phobic Males, By Their Zodiac Signs

You did nothing wrong. It’s not anything you said, or what you weigh, or how you look. He was simply a man who’d rather die alone and miserable than make a commitment. Next time, ask his zodiac sign before getting involved (it’s very often given on dating profiles), and be prepared. And have fun reading the truth about him.

ARIES: An Aries adores falling in love, but won’t stay with a partner unless the partner is perfect in every way. Aries male egos are ginormous and eggshell-fragile. Say one wrong word, make a comment that he misinterprets, decline to watch the World Series with him because you accepted an invitation to watch it with friends, or mention your ex, and Aries will throw you back in the dating pool. He will then tell friends you were a liar and cheater. He sees himself as a knight in shining armor and wants a lover he can put on a pedestal. But, darn, it always turns out that the lover is human, has a past, says things, and so on. Nothing disgusts him more. There is no redeeming this relationship.

TAURUS: A single Taurus male isn’t looking for marriage, although his dating profile might say he is. He wants sex, as much as he can get. He’s a caveman at heart, and it doesn’t matter if a lover is 21 with three kids or 51 and still in pretty good shape. You will know a commitment-phobic Taurus because in bed he wants the exact same thing every time. “Why change what works?” is his thinking. Suggest a change of pace and the phobic Taurus will begrudge it and withdraw, calling you intimidating when he once wanted to please you. Taurus tends to marry only once, so dating a divorced Taurus while hoping for marriage is a waste of time. Marriage is unappealing to him because it takes work. Snag Taurus and you’ll spend a lot of time on his couch watching movies, and long days during which he does not speak because there’s nothing to say.

GEMINI: Gemini prefers not to have romantic relationships because they require maintenance and his participation, but is often anxious to marry so someone will organize his life and feed his narcissism. He takes your marriage or exclusivity vows very seriously, but his own vows not so seriously. Gemini will marry three or four times, no problem. A month after his divorce is final he’ll marry the hotter, younger, stupider person he has found. Gemini isn’t interested in anyone his own age. If you really want a Gemini (but why would you?) find one 10 to 20 years older than yourself. Even the oldest Gemini will believe he is still a hot number and the grooviest cat in town. Donald Trump is a Gemini. “Sorry” and “worry” are not in this gem’s vocabulary.

CANCER: Hoo boy. The Cancer man wants to commit; he really does. He openly says so, calls you “love” and “sweetie,” sends gorgeous cards, and even talks marriage, even if you never said the word yourself—right up until the day he vanishes. Where’d he go? He’s crawled like a hermit crab into his shell, shivering and sweating with fear of commitment. To Cancer, an imaginary crisis is as real as a real one. The Cancer commitment-phobe might have a nightmare about you and say it proves the relationship is over. You won’t hear from him until he’s finished feeling guilty and has dated other exes. Now you’re one of them. He likes what’s familiar and might bounce back, although he can also “do” random lovers just to prove to himself that he’s still a man despite being an insecure and frightened mama’s boy.

LEO: This man’s ego is not as fragile as Aries’, but understand that when an immature Leo commits, which he’s not scared to do, you are now his assistant, housekeeper, cook, nurse, mother, trophy, and body servant. That’s the deal: He bought you a ring, didn’t he? Maybe it’s even a really nice one! Now he owns you and runs your life. Leo commits so you won’t date other men: That would hurt his self-image and his public image. He sees himself as your master and thinks it’s reason enough to break up if you hint that it’d be nice to share the work load. Complain and you will suffer the famous Leo sulk ‘n’ pout. It can last for weeks. Dump him during Week 1. Or he might be one of those Leos who punches holes in walls. A lover on the side isn’t out of the question when Leo suspects that you aren’t happy and fulfilled being just one of his accessories. He’ll soon find someone more accommodating.

VIRGO: The Virgo commitment-phobe falls hard for those who already have steadies or spouses, or divorcees emerging from long, dusty marriages, or sex-industry professionals. You don’t have any value to a Virgo unless somebody else wants you or has you on alternate days. Otherwise you’re just not attractive. Virgo will prefer a drug-addicted partner with a violent ex and six children over an independent childless single. First of all, she’s thin; second of all, she’s easy; and drama is easier to handle, and to walk away from, than true love. If he uses and leaves a drug addict, who could blame him? He’s an angel for trying! If he’s single he is separated, recently divorced, or hasn’t had a lover for years because he has sexual desires he’s not brave enough to talk about.

LIBRA: This gentleman has big plans for his lovers. They are going to wash his dishes and have his children. This will free him to sit immobile in front of the TV or play video games, trying to escape the chaos of the domestic life he wanted and created. Now and then he will attempt to control it by yelling. That’s if you’re unlucky and he commits. Lucky people will notice that smooth, oily, used-car-salesman tone in Libra’s voice, and wake up and smell the coffee the first few times Libra makes judgmental comments or little sarcastic digs. He can’t help it. After being impressively nice to everyone else all day, he simply has to be mean to someone, and if you’re handy, it’ll be you. For this Sun sign, if he shows disrespect at all, you should be the one who sidesteps commitment.

SCORPIO: The Scorpio commitment-phobe seeks justice for all the bad relationships he’s had by re-living and acting out, on his current victim lover, every diss and disappointment he’s ever experienced: bitter words, unreturned phone calls, drunken scenes, cold shoulders, humiliations, and so on. Then he does love-bombing to try to paper it over. His idea of love is a bleeding heart no one change or heal. Unless you are the same way, give up. Scorpio denies that he’s commitment-phobic; he’s all over you, obsessed with you—how could anyone call him commitment-shy? The difference is that a Scorpio who isn’t a commitment-phobe will treat you kindly.

SAGITTARIUS: Your job is to set up and run the camera while the Sagittarian commitment-phobe makes promotional videos. He will throw stardust in your eyes and claim you are equal partners in his project to become a big-time whatever, but really, to him you are only a cheap and easy camera operator and lay. Sagittarius actually prefers partners with low self-esteem; they won’t try to grab a place in his spotlight. He will avoid showing affection in public or introducing you to family and friends; after all, he’s got plans way bigger than having a warm and loving relationship with someone as ordinary as you! Win this loser’s respect by demanding to be paid by the hour, in money, for the useful services you render. He won’t fork it over? Dump him.

CAPRICORN: He’s been burned so badly by his exes he doesn’t want a commitment unless you are beautiful and well-paid and stand to inherit substantial money. If you are none of these things, do not approach Capricorn; you can’t win. His extreme bitterness and his own gold-digging tendencies make him wary and cold-hearted. A Capricorn will treat relationships as economic arrangements, and this commitment-phobe prefers to starve all evening rather than make what he calls an “investment” in dinner for two at Ruby Tuesday’s when it’s too soon in the relationship to expect you-know-what in return. But if you did provide you-know-what he’d consider you a slut. This type of Capricorn will never let you know where you stand, making all conversations uncomfortable.

AQUARIUS: It’s charming the way he says, “I’m having such a good time with you,” or “I find it very easy to talk with you,” but this specimen never forgets the perfect lover he once had, and if he can’t go back to her or to him, will always refer to and compare you with this lost one, thus making himself emotionally unavailable from day one. He will talk for hours about any topic to avoid deepening a relationship. In his view, every other person in the world will always be a sorry substitute for his great love. But that doesn’t mean he stops looking. There is no question whatsoever that his dating profile is up all over the Internet, under many different names. Aquarius will date and have meaningless sex with just about anyone; what does it matter, when he’s already had and lost the love of his life?

PISCES: Pisces has a warm heart, and can be lots of fun, and committed ones are great, but you don’t want the commitment-phobe kind who (let’s be frank) can’t keep it in his pants. The attractive new person he saw, married or not, exists to be sweet-talked and seduced, right? Why else would the universe present him with the opportunity? With every new conquest he truly believes he’s in love. Then someone winks at Pisces or finds him on Facebook, and he’s so flattered he’s, like, bewitched. He understands loneliness because so many people, including family, have rejected him. Lonely people will accept him, untidy and paunchy and a miser though he might be. His “batting average” is excellent, and it is his one great achievement in life.

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